


red ribbon made of sand

by alittleunstable



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: F/F, TW: Eating Disorder
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-09
Updated: 2015-01-09
Packaged: 2018-03-06 18:54:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,524
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3144887
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alittleunstable/pseuds/alittleunstable
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bobbi's noticed that Jemma's not eating.</p>
            </blockquote>





	red ribbon made of sand

She doesn’t really notice at first. Jemma is a talker, she talks her way through everything when Bobbi’s around, science, theories, and sometimes Bobbi thinks she talks through the empty spaces because that’s when Fitz would have spoken. Or so Skye whispers to her one day during a team meeting where Jemma is, once again, chattering away about something she needs for the lab and exactly why it’s so important. It was obvious from the second Jemma asked for it that Coulson was going to give it to her anyway, but she hasn’t caught on to that yet. It’s kind of adorable. She knows her interest in the biochemist isn’t purely friendship motivated. She’s not making a secret of that, either.

 

Skye tells her what she knows about the whole Fitzsimmons situation, and Bobbi frowns when it’s over, eyes falling on Jemma in the lab, standing awkwardly away from Fitz and worrying her lip between her teeth. It makes sense. She can see it, now.

But the eating thing, she doesn’t notice that until later. She’s blatantly hitting on her, and Jemma’s like a little lamb, blush on her cheeks and tucking her hair behind her ear. She forgets sometimes just how…how pure she is, really. Bobbi can’t really think of another word for her. Kickass, too, but totally pure as snow when it came to her heart.

“It’s almost one,” She notes, passing a vial to Jemma, who takes it with a cute smile, nodding.

“Yes, It is.” Jemma agrees, and Bobbi notes that her hands are shaking a little bit. Definitely time for some kicking back, then. Even just for fifteen minutes to the tiny scientist can be fed and rested. “It’s alright if you want to go up and eat with the others, Bobbi, honestly. I’ll understand.”

Bobbi frowns at that, feeling oddly like she’s been rebuffed. Which doesn’t make sense because Jemma’s into her. She’s sure of it. She’s got fantastic observational skills and she knows it. “You know, I’m not really all for the idea of leaving you down here sciencing. At least come up for a sandwich.” Skye had told her about the sandwich thing, and she kind of thinks she should probably stop letting Skye tell her all these things because she should be finding them out for herself. But there’s also the fact she’s also 100% sure that Skye’s trying very hard to get them together. It’s sweet, in a damn weird kind of way. She could be a serial killer, for all Skye knows.

Jemma’s stance changes from clumsy crushing to distant and uncomfortable in a matter of seconds. It’s alarming, at the least. “I’m not hungry quite yet. Thank you for the offer though. Maybe tomorrow?” Her smile is big and fake and she can see right through it, even if it weren’t for the exaggeration and thickness of Jemma’s voice. Something is definitely up, and Bobbi’s going to figure out what it is. She’s stubborn like that.

“Okay, Jem.” She nods, “Just make sure you get something later, you look a little unsteady.” That last comment was unnecessary, it’s a test though, one that Jemma doesn’t pass. She straightens up, gives Bobbi a hard smile, and says,

“Oh, I’m fine, really. Just a little overtired. Exhausted really. Haven’t slept much. At all. Not ah, not since…not for a while.” She’s lying again, Bobbi can tell, but she just pretends to believe her.

“Get some sleep soon then, okay? I’ll come back down later.”

Jemma’s smile relaxes. “Yes, that would be lovely, Bobbi.”

She thinks it over while she chews on a steak sandwich, before turning to Fitz and Lance to the left of her at the table, and asking through a mouthful,

“Dish Jemma eath mush aroun you?” 

Lance makes a face. “Swallow, Bobbi.” He says, rolling his eyes at her, and she rolls her eyes right back, swallowing with emphasis just to irritate him, and then says,

“Jemma. Have you seen her eat, lately?”

Fitz pauses, and Lance just looks confused. “I guess. I don’t really know the bird though, she keeps her distance.” His eyes dart towards Fitz and back, and she gets the message. Yeah, of course they wouldn’t know. Her heart clenches for Jemma all over again. She’s been through too much for someone like her.

“She’s probably fine.” She says to herself, lifting her sandwich back to her mouth. “S’probably nothing.”

Fitz eyes are still on her though, and then he shakes his head. “No. I-I haven’t seen-She hasn’t-“

The message is clear. Fitz has been keeping an eye on her too. Despite everything, he can’t help it. She ignores the flare in her belly of anger, because he has no right to keep an eye on her. Not after what Jemma had told her before they left for the underground tunnel. Before Mack…No, she couldn’t think about that as well right now.

“Didn’t think so.” Bobbi sighs. For once, she hates being right. This is not something she liked the thought of, at all. She tried to picture Jemma the first time she saw her at Hydra, thinking hard about what size she had been. She hadn’t been big, not by any standard, but she’d had a bit of muscle on her. Did she still have that? Bobbi doesn’t think so. Damn.

Fitz watches as she gets up from the table and leaves, looking as though he wants to say something, but he doesn’t open his mouth. Bobbi wishes she didn’t hurt for him, too. She’d much rather just dislike him.

“Oi, you haven’t finished your lunch,” Lance calls after her. She shrugs, not turning around.

“I’ll eat later. Got bigger fish to fry.”

She considers going to May or Coulson first. And then she pictures Jemma looking at her with betrayal in her eyes and she can’t do that. Not yet. Not until it’s absolutely necessary. So she walks up to the shopping list, adds the healthiest things she can think of, and hopes that nothing terrible happens between now and the regular grocery run.

…

Over the next few days, she tries and fails to get Jemma to come up to lunch. Jemma just smiles and says she’s already eaten, she’s not hungry, she feels a little nauseous, actually, Oh she can’t eat for another thirty minutes at least as this is riveting and she can’t leave or she’ll miss something, she’s going to eat with Skye soon anyway- The excuses go on and on and at this point, Bobbi has no doubts at all. It doesn’t help that Jemma’s face is getting more and more gaunt, wrists bonier, clothes hanging off of her already tiny frame. It’s unsettling.

She hasn’t got a choice, so when the shopping finally comes, she whips up the healthiest salad she can make, adds in some seasoned chicken because Jemma needs the protein, and then takes it down to the lab.

“That looks nice,” Jemma smiles as she enters, taking it for Bobbi’s lunch. Bobbi really isn’t looking forward to this.

“I made it for you, sport.” She jests, nudging Jemma with her wrist and placing it in front of her. Jemma’s eyes widen and she takes a fast step back, startled.

“Oh, that’s…so kind of you, Bobbi.” She says slowly, and then, “But there’s actually no food allowed in the lab. If you’ll just let me wrap it up I’m sure I can have it when I’m done.”

Bobbi moves closer, until she’s pressed into Jemma’s side. She knows being in Jemma’s personal bubble flusters her, and she sees the tell-tale blush blossom on the shorter girl’s face. “I think you should have it now, Jem. Sometimes…You can bend the rules, a little bit.” She knows she’s being suggestive, but if it distracts her at all, then good. Besides, Bobbi can never really miss a chance to flirt with Jemma. It’s becoming a problem.

“I-Um, Yes, I-“ Jemma seems to come to her senses then, after stuttering, and says, “Well, not in the lab.” And she’s pretty sure that’s an answer to the food thing and the suggestive thing, and she barks out a laugh before she can help herself.

“Why not? It’s not like anyone’s watching.”

Jemma’s blush spreads down her neck and she squeaks, caught off guard. Bobbi really likes that noise. She’d like it more if Jemma would just eat the damn salad though.

“Bobbi, that is highly innapropriate,” She gasps, and Bobbi smirks.

“What’s wrong with eating a salad in public?” She asks innocently, and Jemma rolls her eyes at her, before seemingly coming back to herself and pushing the salad away.

“I’ve just remembered that I’m allergic to chicken. Terribly, awfully allergic. Thank you Bobbi, but I won’t be able to eat this. Even the residue could make me ill.” Bobbi wonders how she can be such an awful liar, and yet somehow still hide this from the rest of the team. It’s ridiculous, they should be paying more attention to her. Logically, she knows there’s a lot of shit on everyone’s minds right now, and it’s not actually that hard to believe that they didn’t notice, but she lets herself be mad about this one.

“I’ve memorised your file, Jemma. You’re not allergic to chicken.”

“Well, yes, it’s a recent thing, and my file hasn’t been updated in a while, so it’s logical that it wouldn’t be on there yet-“

“Eat the salad Jemma.”

Jemma’s hands are shaking now and Bobbi can see the panic in her eyes, she knows she’s been backed into a corner. She’s probably going to lash out, too. She stands her ground though, eyes locked on Jemma’s.

“If you insist,” Jemma says finally, “But If I have a reaction it is entirely your fault Agent Morse.”

Ah. So they’re back on formal terms now. “It’s Bobbi.” She reminds her, despite knowing that she’d said it to distance herself, because she’s not going to let Jemma do that.

Jemma’s eyes flash with guilt, as though she regrets that, and Bobbi is once again reminded that Jemma is sweet by nature and it probably hurt her just as much to try to make the blonde uncomfortable.

The smaller girl has only taken a few bites before she states that she’s full, and Bobbi’s sigh is full of grief as she nods, taking that in, and sits down. “A few more, please.”

Jemma looks like the thought makes her physically ill, and says, “Why? I’ve eaten some, I’m full, I don’t know what exactly you’re looking for Bobbi but you’re not going to find it.”

“I already have.” Bobbi admits, her hand curling gently around Jemma’s. She looks scared. God, Bobbi hates that look.

“What are you talking about?” Jemma whispers, but it’s obvious she knows she’s been caught as well. Bobbi squeezes her hand, trying to be comforting.

“It’s all been hard on you, hasn’t it? Ward, Skye getting shot, what happened under the water with Fitz. Hydra. Coming back and finding out everyone’s upset with you for leaving. Fitz not talking to you.” Bobbi lists, watching as Jemma looks away, obviously the words are hitting close to home. “But hurting yourself like this, Jem? It’s not okay. You don’t deserve that.” She hopes she’s getting through, even just a little bit, but Jemma’s still refusing to meet her gaze. “Jemma?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” The brunette’s voice cracks midway through the sentence, yet she doesn’t pull away. That’s at least one positive.

“Yeah, I think you do.” Bobbi disagrees, and Jemma’s face turns back to her, as though assessing her, what she’ll have to say to get her to drop this. Bobbi’s seen that look before, but never on Jemma’s face.

And then she kisses her. Bobbi hadn’t been expecting that, hands on her cheeks, lips on hers, and she’s wanted this for a while now but this is wrong. This isn’t what she wanted. She pushes the biochemist back gently, holding her in front of her, frown deepening.

“Jemma, stop.”

“I’m sorry, I thought you wanted-“

“Not like this.”

And then, Jemma takes a shaky breath and starts crying. It’s silent, just tears rolling down her cheeks while she tries not to meet Bobbi’s eyes, and it’s awful. It’s so awful and Bobbi wants to rewind time, but she knows that that would only make things worse, even if she could. This conversation has to be had.

“What’s going to happen now?” Jemma asks finally, looking up at Bobbi.

“We get you better. And then, then we can think about this.” She gestures between them, and Jemma quickly catches on, a tiny blush on her cheeks again. Bobbi thinks she might be embarrassed about the kiss as well, but that one she can’t be sure of. “Starting with this salad.”

“And after that?” Jemma asks, fearfully.

“Telling the team.” Jemma looks like she’s going to object, but Bobbi just holds up a hand to quiet her. “They need to know what’s going on. You need help Jemma, and don’t try to say you don’t.”

Jemma just slowly nods, as if accepting, but Bobbi knows that Jemma doesn’t believe her. She’ll see, when her mind starts to clear back up. Hopefully.

They only get two more bites out of the salad before Jemma moans about feeling sick, and Bobbi nods, whispers, “That’s okay, for now.” And pulls her close, rubbing her back. “S’gonna be okay, Jem.”

They stay there for a little while, until Jemma’s stomach has settled a bit and the salad has gone cold, and Bobbi grasps her cold hand as they leave the lab, heading upstairs because it’s getting on to four and right about now, Lance and Fit will be playing video games, May and Skye will be fresh up from the shooting range for refreshments, and Coulson will be doing his new thing where he ‘spends more time with the team’ which really, to Bobbi, seems to just mean doing all his paperwork in a closer proximity to the rest of them, while not talking much at all. Skye likes to use this time to badger him for things, because he’ll wave a dismissive hand and she’ll take that as an agreement for whatever she’s asked for and then not get in shit over it. It’s pretty manipulative actually, but she knows Skye means well. The only one who won’t be there is Trip, who’s still in the field in Toulouse recovering an alien artefact. Either way, it’s the perfect opportunity to bring up this particular issue with the others, while making sure she can comfort Jemma at the same time.

Jemma drags her feet the whole way. Bobbi almost feels bad. The key word being almost.

She scans the room and finds everyone present, as she’d known they would be, and sits down beside Jemma on the couch before clearing her throat. Lance glances back at her, raises a cheeky eyebrow, but nobody else looks. She sighs, and states, loudly,

“We all need to talk about something.”

This grabs their attention, and Jemma shrinks into the couch, looking like she very much wants to disappear. Bobbi’s hand lowers to her back again, rubbing gentle circles there again until Jemma relaxes a little bit.

“What’s up?” Skye asks, a packet of chips in her hand- May can’t possibly approve of that snack choice- and Coulson turns in his chair, folding the file over to give his full attention. She appreciates that about him. If he’s anything, it’s devoted to his team.

“Jemma’s not well, and I think we’re all a little responsible for that.” Well, she doesn’t think she is, but she’s not about to accuse everyone else about it. Now’s not the time to make them all fall into defensive mode, really. 

“Simmons?” May asks curiously, frowning. “You’re sick?”

“With what?”

“Is it contagious?” Lance asks, paranoid. Bobbi rolls her eyes at him. Tool.

Jemma’s words seem to have caught in her throat and she looks desperately to Bobbi for help. Bobbi nods, and addresses the room again, explaining exactly what she thinks has been going on and what she had said to Jemma, personally. The room is quiet, for a while, until Skye gets up and practically hoists Jemma off the couch, arms wrapping around her tightly as her chin rests on Jemma’s shoulder.

“God, I’m an idiot. I should have noticed,” She whispers into Jemma’s sweater, and Bobbi doesn’t exactly disagree with that, either. Skye moving is enough to get everyone else standing as well, suddenly Melinda is on the other side of Jemma, carefully and so, so gently stroking her hair, while Coulson just looks guilty as all hell and Fitz is frozen. Lance comes to stand by Bobbi, not knowing Jemma all that well but clearly feeling for her.

“That’s shit.” He sighs, and Bobbi agrees with a sad half smile. “Let me know what I can do.” He adds after a minute. She doesn’t have to answer, he knows she will.

Jemma looks upset. Skye’s pressing a kiss to where her head is on Jemma’s shoulder now, but Bobbi doesn’t feel jealous. Just glad that the team are being supportive. May’s whispering something to her, but Bobbi can’t hear and she doesn’t try either, she knows it’s not for her ears. It makes Jemma give her a watery smile though, and that’s all she needs to know.

After that, all eyes are on Jemma and she can see the difference. She can see Jemma feels guilty for taking up their attention, she’s always been putting others first and she’s not used to people returning the favour, obviously. It makes Bobbi’s chest burn with anger. It’s not their fault, but how could they not see?

Melinda starts cooking team dinners, Skye wedges herself on the other side of Jemma at meals- No one ever questions Bobbi sitting on her other side, though Melinda does give her a significant look. She thinks it may be her blessing. Or a warning. You never really know when it comes to Melinda May.

Everyone is patient, Coulson most of all, sometimes coming down to the lab with snacks that he pretended were for him but always handed some to Jemma, concern in his eyes. He took her off field missions, though, which Jemma absolutely hated. He told her she could have them back when she was back up to 120 pounds at the least. Jemma had curled herself into Bobbi’s arms and sobbed afterwards. The field was Jemma’s favourite thing, it was the reason she joined Coulson’s team, and Bobbi could understand why she was upset. But she could also understand why he did it.

Trip takes it pretty hard when he gets back from Toulouse, and he spends the day in the lab with Jemma, just talking quietly with her. She likes that. He also bakes. She didn’t even know Trip could bake. The kitchen is constantly filled with cookies, cupcakes, donuts, fruit bread- Anything Trip decides to make. And Jemma, well, she tries, and that’s the main point. 

Fitz starts hesitantly bringing Jemma into conversations, looking very awkward, but very relieved when she shares a shy smile with him and offers up her opinions on whatever they’re talking about. She’s needed this, and Bobbi’s glad Fitz has taken his head out of his ass.

Lance just regularly tells her that she looks nice, and that’s well, that’s actually really sweet of him and she knows it helps too.

Bobbi? She does a bit of everything, but the easiest is talking to her. They talk about everything, about Jemma’s family back home and how they think she’s dead, about the dog she had when she was four, about the team, but mostly just about how she’s feeling. Why she feels that way. And it helps. Jemma getting it all off her chest, she thinks it makes her lighter. Or at least, she pictures Jemma lighter for it. She finds herself kissing away tears every now and then, and sometimes just kissing, despite having said they’d wait until Jemma was fully recovered. Bobbi’s not exactly the most patient person.

It’s two whole months before Jemma reaches 110 pounds, but while she’s still not allowed in the field yet, she’s back to her regular self, apart from the hesitance when it comes to a lot of foods, and the occasional really bad day where she’ll lock herself away in her room and refuse to come out. Days like that, Bobbi hates herself for picking the lock and forcing her downstairs to eat. Those days are emotional ones. At the end of them, after Jemma’s in bed and before Bobbi joins her, she’ll find a member of the team- Usually Skye or Trip, just sitting on the couch looking thoroughly world weary. After everything they’ve all seen and done and all the people they’ve saved, it’s always the ones closest to us that get to us the most, Bobbi muses. But still, as she curls into the bed besides a healthy feeling Jemma, It’s all worth it.


End file.
